May 16

40 for 40

As I mark the passage of 40 years on this planet, I’ve had plenty of chances to reflect on those four decades — the happy moments and the sad; the wins and the losses; and everything in between. As I rolled these years over in my head it struck me that perhaps I could put together a list — in no particular order — of 40 various people, places and things that have affected or influenced my life, brought me great joy or even provided simple lasting memories.

To my loved ones: you are ALL at the top of any list I would make like this, so realize and recognize that before you note to yourself, while reading, “What about me?” For all my cynicism and dark wit, I just love living and experiencing life so much that I could never touch on everything that’s made a mark on me in this or any space. But I can give you a decent set of examples — one for each year that I’ve lived.

May 14

Third in a Series: Conversations Between Brick Tamland and Alan Garner


Brick: I would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.

Alan: He’s jackin’ his little weenis. Not at the table, Carlos.

Brick: The party. With the … with the pants. Party with pants?

Alan: Nobody’s gonna fuck on you! I’m on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! Please! This isn’t your fault. I’ll get you some pants.

Brick: I don’t know what we’re yelling about.

Alan: I’m not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school. Or a Chuck E. Cheese.

Brick: Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we’re not gonna.

Alan: Whoa, watch it pervert!

May 11

Second in a Series: Conversations Between Brick Tamland and Alan Garner

Alan: Hello. How ’bout that ride in? I guess that’s why they call it Sin City. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So there were two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, “Wait a second, could it be?” And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!

Brick: I ate a big, red candle.

Alan: I want you to know I’m a steel trap. No matter what happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever speak a word of it. Seriously, I don’t care what happens. I don’t care if we kill someone.

Brick: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.

Alan: You heard me. It’s Sin City. I won’t tell a soul.

Brick: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.

Alan: It’s not illegal. It’s frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.