Category Archives: General

Jul 05

Jam That Prius Where Your Minivan’s Sun Don’t Shine

Posted on by

I was reading this whinefest the other day. And, as someone who has been commuting in Southern California for nearly two decades now, it brought to mind one of my longest-running internal arguments.

What cars are home to the most annoying drivers? On current Southern California freeways, here are my clear top three:

  • Minivan drivers
  • Prius drivers
  • Toyota drivers in general

Certainly, you can make a case for “gardener truck guy” or “my BMW can’t be held under 90 at anytime guy,” but for consistency’s sake, no groups come close to the above three in my book.

 

Apparently, Prius drivers park as well as they do most other things.

 

But, picking a “winner”? Well, that’s is a tough one for me. Here are some basic thoughts.

  • It seems that anyone in operation of a minivan immediately loses about 50 IQ points as soon as they put the minivan into “Drive.” 60 in the fast lane or carpool lane is unacceptable, period. And, no, I don’t care if your entire stick-figure family is in the car. Why do I need to be “safer” if kids are in the car? You’re the unsafe one, wandering around the freeway’s passing and HOV lanes at unsafely slow speeds.
  • Prius drivers are either as braindead as the average minivan driver or seem to think the Prius is an old-school Honda CRX (Was anyone driving a CRX in the late 80s and early 90s not a douchebag?). The guy who gets “sad” looking at the other lanes in the earlier linked story is a great example of the first type. And, type 2, you’re not saving the environment by driving 90-plus and weaving your little car between lanes with that smug, “I’m better than you” look on your face.
  • Finally, does anyone operating a Toyota have the slightest clue of where his or her destination is? Or why it takes them 20 minutes longer than anyone else to arrive there? Or that it’s ok to make a lane change at full speed without jamming on their brakes though the lane next to them is wide open?

I never thought anyone could challenge minivan drivers for total domination in this department. For me, their historical lead is too big for Toyota (and the subset of Prius drivers) to overcome … at this point. But, get back to me in six months. You never know.

(By the way, the “jealous of the carpool” guy in the linked story should get together with the sad guy. I’m sure that’d be a fun lunch meeting)

Apr 19

Charlie Manson Returns With New Nuggets After 20 Years of Silence

Posted on by

So, word comes today that L.A.’s most famous megalomaniacal, mind-controlling, mass-murdering white supremacist, Charles Manson, has broken a 20-year silence to speak with the Spanish edition of Vanity Fair on the 40th anniversary of his conviction in the Tate-La Bianca murders that rocked Southern California back in August 1969. And, as usual, once you get used to his ramblings (and past the concept that he likely brainstormed or took part in the murders of at least nine people), the comedy gold (and simplistic pop psychology) flies. Samples, you ask? Here you go:

  • “You have to accept yourself as God. You have to realize you’re just the Devil just as much as you’re God, that you’re everything and you’re nothing at all.”
  • “I’m a mal hombre.”
  • “Believe me, if I started murdering people … there’d be none of you left!”
  • “We’re not in Wonderland anymore Alice.”
  • And my personal favorite: “You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody’s crazy.”

Of course, when someone talks ramblingly in circles and is wont to “trailing off” as one story I read about his interview put it (If you’ve never seen or read an interview with Manson, these are extremely regular occurrences), they’re liable to flukily wander from their general state of nonsense into random bouts of cogency.

As a matter of fact, according to this account in the Sydney (Australia) Morning Herald, Manson briefly swerves into more “reasoned” territory on the environment than many GOPers often deal in. This, amusingly, has led the right’s “thought leaders” (ahem) to ask why “people who hate America believe in global warming” — thanks Rush — and stumble over each other to make the “best” Al Gore-Charles Manson joke. Of course, they overlook his predictably race-tinged ramblings about the president (that, again, circle back into dangerously coherent territory when talking about the sway of Wall Street over our current government). That a part of the country’s right wing has gone so far off base that they try to smear environmental science by surmising — and then shouting, “Nutty Charlie Manson believes in it, so it must be false!” … well, they’re even further gone than I could have possibly imagined.

So, welcome back, Charlie. Always worth a good laugh to read what’s going on in that swastika-carved dome of yours. And, as you said so many years ago, it’s best that we all remember: “You can’t kill me. I’m already dead.” Indeed, mal hombre … indeed.