Jul 05

Jam That Prius Where Your Minivan’s Sun Don’t Shine

I was reading this whinefest the other day. And, as someone who has been commuting in Southern California for nearly two decades now, it brought to mind one of my longest-running internal arguments.

What cars are home to the most annoying drivers? On current Southern California freeways, here are my clear top three:

  • Minivan drivers
  • Prius drivers
  • Toyota drivers in general

Certainly, you can make a case for “gardener truck guy” or “my BMW can’t be held under 90 at anytime guy,” but for consistency’s sake, no groups come close to the above three in my book.

 

Apparently, Prius drivers park as well as they do most other things.

 

But, picking a “winner”? Well, that’s is a tough one for me. Here are some basic thoughts.

  • It seems that anyone in operation of a minivan immediately loses about 50 IQ points as soon as they put the minivan into “Drive.” 60 in the fast lane or carpool lane is unacceptable, period. And, no, I don’t care if your entire stick-figure family is in the car. Why do I need to be “safer” if kids are in the car? You’re the unsafe one, wandering around the freeway’s passing and HOV lanes at unsafely slow speeds.
  • Prius drivers are either as braindead as the average minivan driver or seem to think the Prius is an old-school Honda CRX (Was anyone driving a CRX in the late 80s and early 90s not a douchebag?). The guy who gets “sad” looking at the other lanes in the earlier linked story is a great example of the first type. And, type 2, you’re not saving the environment by driving 90-plus and weaving your little car between lanes with that smug, “I’m better than you” look on your face.
  • Finally, does anyone operating a Toyota have the slightest clue of where his or her destination is? Or why it takes them 20 minutes longer than anyone else to arrive there? Or that it’s ok to make a lane change at full speed without jamming on their brakes though the lane next to them is wide open?

I never thought anyone could challenge minivan drivers for total domination in this department. For me, their historical lead is too big for Toyota (and the subset of Prius drivers) to overcome … at this point. But, get back to me in six months. You never know.

(By the way, the “jealous of the carpool” guy in the linked story should get together with the sad guy. I’m sure that’d be a fun lunch meeting)

May 24

Fourth in a Series: Conversations Between Brick Tamland and Alan Garner

Brick: Mm. I just burned my tongue.

Alan: Hey, there’s Skittles in there!

Brick: I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn’t cotton candy like the guy said. My tummy itches.

Alan: It’s where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it’s not a purse, it’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.

Brick: Where’d you get your clothes from? The … the toilet store?

May 16

40 for 40

As I mark the passage of 40 years on this planet, I’ve had plenty of chances to reflect on those four decades — the happy moments and the sad; the wins and the losses; and everything in between. As I rolled these years over in my head it struck me that perhaps I could put together a list — in no particular order — of 40 various people, places and things that have affected or influenced my life, brought me great joy or even provided simple lasting memories.

To my loved ones: you are ALL at the top of any list I would make like this, so realize and recognize that before you note to yourself, while reading, “What about me?” For all my cynicism and dark wit, I just love living and experiencing life so much that I could never touch on everything that’s made a mark on me in this or any space. But I can give you a decent set of examples — one for each year that I’ve lived.