Apr 19

Charlie Manson Returns With New Nuggets After 20 Years of Silence

So, word comes today that L.A.’s most famous megalomaniacal, mind-controlling, mass-murdering white supremacist, Charles Manson, has broken a 20-year silence to speak with the Spanish edition of Vanity Fair on the 40th anniversary of his conviction in the Tate-La Bianca murders that rocked Southern California back in August 1969. And, as usual, once you get used to his ramblings (and past the concept that he likely brainstormed or took part in the murders of at least nine people), the comedy gold (and simplistic pop psychology) flies. Samples, you ask? Here you go:

  • “You have to accept yourself as God. You have to realize you’re just the Devil just as much as you’re God, that you’re everything and you’re nothing at all.”
  • “I’m a mal hombre.”
  • “Believe me, if I started murdering people … there’d be none of you left!”
  • “We’re not in Wonderland anymore Alice.”
  • And my personal favorite: “You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody’s crazy.”

Of course, when someone talks ramblingly in circles and is wont to “trailing off” as one story I read about his interview put it (If you’ve never seen or read an interview with Manson, these are extremely regular occurrences), they’re liable to flukily wander from their general state of nonsense into random bouts of cogency.

As a matter of fact, according to this account in the Sydney (Australia) Morning Herald, Manson briefly swerves into more “reasoned” territory on the environment than many GOPers often deal in. This, amusingly, has led the right’s “thought leaders” (ahem) to ask why “people who hate America believe in global warming” — thanks Rush — and stumble over each other to make the “best” Al Gore-Charles Manson joke. Of course, they overlook his predictably race-tinged ramblings about the president (that, again, circle back into dangerously coherent territory when talking about the sway of Wall Street over our current government). That a part of the country’s right wing has gone so far off base that they try to smear environmental science by surmising — and then shouting, “Nutty Charlie Manson believes in it, so it must be false!” … well, they’re even further gone than I could have possibly imagined.

So, welcome back, Charlie. Always worth a good laugh to read what’s going on in that swastika-carved dome of yours. And, as you said so many years ago, it’s best that we all remember: “You can’t kill me. I’m already dead.” Indeed, mal hombre … indeed.

Apr 14

Air Travel Rule No. 1

If you’re not physically capable of stowing your own carry-on bag in the overhead bin, it’s NOT a carry-on. Check it! To be honest, I’m not really sure if that’s rule No. 1 based on how inept most people seem to become when faced with air travel, but it’s right up there.

Apr 10

If the Monopoly Man ranted in his younger days …

 

Coming soon … Tom Rants. Fo’ real.